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  • Chris Keen

Going To The Gym With The Military

Updated: Apr 13, 2019


Obviously, as a military husband your other half is going to be super fit and probably always at the gym... That means you’ll have to keep up and therefore go to the gym yourself!


Now going to a military gym is a little bit different than going to a civvi gym and I thought I would highlight a few things to look out for...


The Music Meddlers

These are the people who don’t use headphones to listen to their own choice of music without disturbing everybody else... Instead they choose to plug into the gym speakers and use the sound system which is there for circuits… So, not only do they take over the sound system, they crank it up as loud as it goes so that you can’t hear your own music AND to top it off they’ll have a terrible taste in music! There are two ways to deal with these people, you can either ask them nicely to turn it down OR you could rip out the plug!


The Gym lovers

There's always the person who absolutely lives for the gym. They practically live in the gym and it seems to be the only reason they joined the military; getting paid to go to the gym…No matter what time of the day you go to the gym, you can guarantee that you will find that person will be there working out


The Observer

This is somebody who spends more time looking at you than doing their own workout. You’ll often catch them out in the mirrors – It’s not a bad thing, they’re probably just checking out your form (but you will definitely just feel like they’re judging you).

Now being a military gym, there probably won’t be that many females in it, but when there are, regardless of what they look like you’ll notice that many more guys will spend more time looking around than working out! The gym will also get busier, it’s as if the lads send out an ‘omg there’s a female in the gym’ beacon.


The T shirt collector

There are SOOO many of these in a military gym, they are people who either love wearing their unit/squadron t shirt in the gym or people who wear t shirts that they have won doing some sort of sporting activity. The gym use t shirts as an incentive to take part in competitions which doesn’t help… although I’ve got to admit, I’m a bit of a t shirt collector too..I just don’t show them off in the gym.


The Grunters

These are everywhere and you can’t really escape them so my advice is to embrace their grunts, or record them and have a laugh…

I feel sorry for them really because if they have earphones in and they’re pushing out some big reps, they probably won’t realise they’re grunting. HOWEVER, the people who know they’re grunting, they need to have a word with themselves.


The non-wipers

This is my biggest pet peeve in the gym… People who don’t wipe down the equipment! It's disgusting when they've been sweating all over the equipment and then don’t have the decency to wipe it down afterwards. All the wipes and cleaning products are provided, and considering they’re already in the gym, a couple of extra metres of walking surely won’t do any harm?!

These people should be banned from the gym! Named and shamed.


The Squatter

You see loads of these in a military gym, people who just go there to do one thing and one thing only… Squats!

You’ll know who these are because they’re legs will be bigger than their entire body!


The Triangle…

Very similar to the squatter, but these ones just don’t do leg day, if you mention ‘leg day’ to them they melt down into a puddle of disappointment! I’m not even sure how they manage to hold up the rest of their body on their little legs.

You’ll see them doing the big biceps, the chest, the shoulders.. anything upper body basically, but never legs and for this reason they end up looking like Mr Triangle


The Mirror lovers

Speaks for itself really. Pure vanity. Constantly checking themselves out in the mirror… Now some do it to make sure their form is correct, that’s fair enough, but others are just totally in love with themselves. If you catch a PTI working out , they might as well be licking the mirror, they’re so in love with what they see…


Slang Users

This is another one that really annoys me… People who use stupid gym related names, there are so many but just to name a few:

  • Getting Massive/Op Massive – Putting on lots of muscle mass.

  • Getting swole – Same as above.

  • Getting beasted – Getting shouted at by a PTI, you can also beast yourself

  • Boulders – Shoulders that are pretty solid.

  • Bulking – Adding Muscle mass, also an excuse for lazy people to eat rubbish

  • Guns – Referring to one’s biceps.

  • Judy Dench – This used to compliment yourself or somebody else if they are becoming quite hench aka muscly.

  • Newbie – Pretty self-explanatory, this is used to describe somebody who is new to the gym.

  • Miring – Rhymes with wiring and means admiring (why not just use the proper word) It’s used when people check themselves out in the mirror


Last but by no means least...


The Phantom Farters


You know who you are!! We’ve all been there...hanging out on the treadmill, gasping for some fresh air mid way through a run, and what you actually get is a treat from someone nearby who’s been smashing the protein... Then, while they sneak away, you’re left in need of a gas mask to complete your workout.



BUT... Don’t let this put you off going to the gym. We are really lucky to have access to such great facilities on our doorsteps, just try not to become one of the above!

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