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"Men go to the mess and Women do a ladies night"

Updated: Nov 19, 2022

I haven't written a blog for ages because... Well life is BUSY, but I'm back and I just couldn't resist writing this one...

It seems that we've gone back in time and Ladies only nights are a thing again.

This came to light when I received a message last month from a male military spouse telling me that he had been invited to a ladies night and he asked me whether he should go.

My response was "at least you've been invited lol" I then asked him if he had chosen a dress to wear.

Fast forward a few weeks and I saw another ladies night advertised and I thought, what is going on?!

It's like we've gone backwards about 10 years when male spouses were even rarer than they are today and anything for the spouses was all about the wives.

I saw the event advertised on Facebook when it was just an idea and the organiser was just gauging interest from the wives. I thought I'd take the opportunity to send a message to see if I could persuade them to include the male spouses as well and, you know, bring the WHOLE community together rather than continuing to exclude us.

I'm not going to mention any names on here, you should know me by now and I would never disclose any names or personal details!

Anyway... I messaged them asking if this night was going to be a wives night for just female spouses, or is it a wives night open to serving wives as well.

Now, the reason I asked that specific question was because I have nothing against a ladies night where ladies just want to be in the company of other ladies and have a great night.

However if it's purely for female spouses, then why?

Their response was that it was just for female military spouses at that time, however it might open to all women (including those serving) at a later date.

So as it stood,it was a night just for female military spouses aka military wives.

I asked why don't you make it a night for all military spouses regardless of their sex? As you will know from reading my blog, this community can already be really un-inclusive for male military spouses.

They weren't budging though, adamant that this was going to be a ladies night.

They said it was natural habit to do a ladies night because, for as long as they've been a military spouse it's been 'men go to the mess and women do a ladies night'. From my point of view, just because that's all you've known, it doesn't make it right.

That may have been the way back in the day but we now live in a world where there are plenty of females serving in the forces. So whilst men do still go to the mess... Where do people think the serving women go? The mess isn't just for men, and events for spouses shouldn't be just for women!

I also can't go to the mess (without my wife) as I'm not serving, so where can us male spouses go?

All of that being said... I've now seen advertisements for this ladies night inviting ALL women. That means female military spouses, serving wives, non serving wives and even those that aren't married!

That may be because I got in touch or it may be just a change of heart, and although it still doesn't include us male military spouses, it is an improvement on the original target audience.

Either way, as I said before I'm all for ladies having a night out with just ladies so I hope they have a great night!

Oh and I hope their DJ is a female ;)

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